Ironically, many children raised in wealth demonstrate the same tendencies as those who are raised in extreme poverty: depression, despair, attempted suicide, drug and alcohol use, and shoplifting.
Why this behavior?
The parents, who are often too busy making money sacrifice meaningful time with their children.
Admittedly, raising children in a world obsessed with stuff is a tough, tough job.
As savvy advertisers target these kids from early youth, and as their peers are quick to sport whatever the latest and greatest may be, the parents must be vigilant in teaching their children that such possessions do not make one happy, and, in fact, are detrimental to true happiness.
So . . . in this materialistic society, how does one go about raising non-materialistic children?
These tips will help:
1Practice What You Preach
If you buy cars to impress others, shop regularly just to be shopping, and “have to have” whatever the latest electronic gadget might be, don’t bother reading the rest of this article. Why? Because what you do screams to your children louder than anything you can ever say.
Albert Schweitzer said it well, “There are only three ways to teach a child. The first is by example; the second is by example; the third is by example.” Your first step, therefore, is to purge materialism from the person you see in the mirror.
2Spend Time With Your Children
Do you find yourself giving gifts to your children to make up for lack of personal attention? If so, you are instead sending the message that you think stuff is more important than a close relationship. Let the “Cats In The Cradle” lyrics resonate deeply. This Harry Chapin classic is a haunting reminder that once those child rearing years are gone, you will never get them back.
Cherish every moment you can spend with your children.
3Rein in Your Christmases
Somehow, someway, many parents missed the memo: “Christmas is not a license to overly indulge your children.” No matter how you justify it, overspending on your children just because it is Christmas is still overspending on your children (be sure to get on a Christmas budget). Try celebrating the true spirit of Christmas with your children instead of piling up stuff for them.
Our children, who are now grown, still have fond memories of the hours we spent together baking cookies and making homemade Christmas cards to give the inmates at a local prison. Create your own family traditions that involve time together and giving to others. Your children will cherish those memories.
4Help Them Prioritize Their Own Money
As your children become old enough to have their own money, help them prioritize that money. A very simple plan is to give some, save some, and spend some.
If you emphasize giving, you will be helping your child develop a heart for others. Because giving is the opposite of materialism, you need to constantly demonstrate a giving spirit.
5Support a Child in a Poverty Nation
Need something for that “giving” money to go for? How about supporting a child in a third-world country. Children have a natural empathy for other children, so if your kids can support a child with real needs, they will not only learn to love that child, but will also appreciate whatever material possessions they already own.
6Take Them on Foreign Mission Trips
I have been fortunate enough to accompany all four of my children on short term mission trips to Mexico. Three went while in high school; the fourth as an adult.
Nothing, absolutely nothing will impact kids more than seeing poverty up close and personal. Amazingly, the lesson my kids came back with over and over again was how happy those people (who had nothing) were. Talk about an antidote to materialism . . . these short-term mission trips have been firsthand proof that stuff doesn’t equal happiness.
Check out this article if you need to raise money for your mission trip.
7Take a Field Trip to a Dump
I borrow this idea from Randy Alcorn’s book, Managing God’s Money. Show your children all these piles of “treasures” that were once Christmas and birthday presents. Discuss how everything we own today will likewise end up in a junkyard like this one. Read 2 Peter 3:10-14 together (a passage that tells of how everything in this world will some day burn), then use this teachable moment to discuss true riches which transcend life here on planet earth.
Ask them this question: “When everything we have ever owned is someday burned, what, in your lives, do you think will last forever?”
In what ways are you helping your children avoid materialism? What could you be doing better? Leave a comment!
I’m doing my best to lead by example. My children probably hear 50 no’s to 1 yes when they ask for things they just “have to have”. We have plenty of nice things but don’t let them rule our lives.
There is a great book about this called “Life is What You Make it: Find Your Own Path to Fulfillment” by Peter Buffett. Peter is the son of Warren Buffett, one of the richest men in the world. He talks about how he was raised to consider other people and to find his passion and reason for being over the materialistic. It’s an excellent book.
Jason,
I applaud how you are striving to lead by example. Your kids are ALWAYS watching! I hadn’t heard of Peter Buffett’s book, but it sounds great. Thanks for suggesting it.
Thank you
I’d like to add another idea… limit or eliminate TV. We let our children watch a little bit of children’s programming on Netflix. The beauty is, there are no commercials to stir up envy or discontent. Our children certainly aren’t perfect, but they don’t struggle with materialism because they know about so few toys/products. The ones they know about are from seeing their friends’ toys or maybe passing by something at Costco. (Another side benefit of this is it makes giving at Christmas and Birthdays all the more fun because they don’t really know what to ask for, aren’t disappointed by what they get, we get to be more creative, and we don’t even take lists… we know them well enough to find things we think they’ll love).
Nice piece.
Matthew,
Great tip. We didn’t have the Netflix option when our kids were growing up, but we did limit their TV exposure. You point out several great benefits from not allowing your kids to watch commercials. Obviously, it is working for you…congratulations!
I agree, Matthew. Excellent point.
The challenge for today’s kids is that they have so many more options than we had when we were kids. They have to contend with ‘screen time’ – an almost alien concept in our childhood, because apart from TV, there were no screen gadgets in every home. Computers had just arrived on the scene and few homes had PCs or Macs.
So when I discipline my child, I make it a point to not be harsh on him. The Bible says that love conquers all. If you persuade your child with love, and yes, lead by example and through praying for them, you will have kids whose priorities are not the latest mobile game or toy or junk food.
What a great post, Joe. This is one of my favorite topics and I’d like to add a couple more things.
1) Do not give your children allowances. They need to learn to pitch in around the house because they live in the house and that is what a family does. If they ‘need’ money, teach them to earn it in entrepreneurial ways. Even my 7 and 10 year olds have ways of making money.
2) American teens are taught that their primary job is to get an education. While I applaud that thinking, I believe that there is no reason why a teen without any special educational needs cannot also work a part-time job. I did it, my husband did it, and you probably did it as well. When they graduate college, what will help them in their new career more? Their experience playing ball or their experience working?
3) When your teen starts working, charge him room and board. Even if you don’t need it, he needs to contribute. If it really bothers your conscience, save the money in a trust for him for college. Just don’t tell him.
Carol — Instead of giving our children allowances, we gave them some paid responsibilities and kept track on a chart of how much money they had earned. It was a bit of a hassle, but evidently it worked…all four of our grown children are industrious and hard working. We also encouraged part time jobs when they were old enough, and again, all four took on part time jobs. About charging room and board…we didn’t do that one, although we might have if we had thought of it. Good thoughts! I appreciate you sharing them with us.
re: Giving allowance. – I agree that families need to pitch in because that’s what families do. And it’s in that vein that as a family, we like to share our blessings as well. So give a very modest allowance (ex: our 6-yr-old gets $6 dollars a month for allowance), but also give earning opportunities if they’d like to earn more money that they are getting for allowance.
re: Charging for room and board. – Interesting idea. I’ll have to give that some thought. I think I like it.
I’m in complete agreement with the “no TV” comment. We’ve been careful to avoid as much societal programming as possible. Children are marketed to very heavily in an effort to make them grow up to be “good consumers”.
The only way to truly avoid pop culture influences and give your children the opportunity to develop a strong sense of family and self is to keep them out of preschool and homeschool them, though. I’m doing it gladly but I know that a lot of families would struggle with that. As far as I’m concerned, the benefits far outweigh the time and money sacrificed.
I agree that limiting exposure to TV help avoid the consumerism brainwashing, but I also vetted every show my kids saw before they saw it and then I watched with them. Programs like the Simpsons and the Power Rangers were banned in my house. These programs (respectively) only serve to teach kids that it’s ok to be disrespectful to parents and elders and it’s ok to jump out and attack people. These behaviours were not condoned in my home, as it was a “law of the house” that everyone was able to feel safe and secure, and not have to be on edge, afraid of being abused.
TV programs aimed a kids teach them terrible standards of behaviour. My 2 are grown now, and very respectable and respectful people. I’m very proud of us as a family.
Brunette — It is frightening just how much “kiddie marketing” there is on TV. Matthew (comment above) pointed out some great benefits from not allowing kids to see those commercials. I am glad you are able to home school. That wasn’t an option for our family, but it can be a good deterrent to materialism for those who can pull it off.
Homeschooling was virtually unheard of when you were raising your children, I bet, and children weren’t yet targeted like they are now. It amazes me when I hear about 7 and 8 year old girls going wild over Justin Bieber; my six year old daughter’s favorite song is Jesus Loves Me and she doesn’t know there is such a thing as a Justin Bieber. Pop culture is truly sick nowadays.
I have heard of a lot of families sponsor a child through Compassion International. I personally sponsor three teens in Africa. Families often select a child who is about the same age as their child. Through writing letters to one another the kids are able to see that happiness and peace is based on much more than things. KIds are often surprised they have a number of things in common despite the differences in culture, geography and income. This helps thinking of those in poverty and aiming to get them out of poverty a way of life for kids rather than simply aiming to get the newest hot toy.
Amy — When our children were pre-teens, at their insistence, we sponsored a child through World Vision. I am sure it made an impact, not only on the child we supported, but on our own children as well. We continue to sponsor a child today through Compassion, International, whom I highly recommend.
Excellent Article! I tweeted it and reposted it to my company facebook page. I think we need to learn more about this these days. The problem of materialistic/spoiled children is not only harmful on a personal level, but also effects the community as a whole.
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. -Proverbs 22:6
Joshua — Thanks for promoting the article. You are right: materialistic/spoiled children indeed have a harmful effect on entire communities. Let’s do all we can to “train up a child in the way he should go”.
How can we raise children as non materialistic if we are living in a materialistic world? Of course, it can be hard for us but there are ways that we can do. And thanks for this advices. Making them know, what the real standing of the world is, can be a great help. Make them realize the things that they need to do. Share to them the things that they need to do.
Great article with some sound advice. Thanks for sharing! It’s so important that parents are aware of the indoctrination of our western culture and help guide their children in wise practice by their walk and talk. Tomorrow evening Chuck Bentley of Crown Financial Ministries will be hosting a webinar on the topic of “Financial Leadership: How to Equip Your Children with Financial Intelligence.” I highly recommend it to you, and best of all it’s free! – collegeplus.org/wb/tf/CP2889
Matthew — Thanks for the good word…and for sharing the link to the free webinar. Anything from Chuck Bently and Crown Financial Ministries is going to be great!
The last two are really strong points. First, they teach kids to value what they have in comparison to what the less fortunate ones have (enough VS meager). They teach gratitude too. And second, they teach kids that it’s possible to live a happy life despite wanting a few material resources. I’ve had the opportunity to visit some developing countries during my gap year and that made some impression on me just before entering uni. In India, for instance, you can’t help but be amazed how those who live in poverty are still willing to share what little they have.
It’ll definitely help kids if you travel with them on developing countries. That seems to be closely related to those two points mentioned last.
Dan — That experience of visiting developing countries, meeting the people and learning their priorities is invaluable. As I said in my post, doing so has deeply impacted all four of my children.
Good article Joe. This is so true. Our kids emulate what they see us do. You had some good suggestions on spending time with your kids. I really liked your comment on taking them to the dump. I might suggest a homeless shelter as well.
Regards,
Jeff
Jeff — Thanks for the encouraging words. I hadn’t considered taking my kids to a homeless shelter, but that is another idea for creating a perspective about “stuff”. Have you done so? I am assuming that taking kids there would mean volunteering. Right?
I don’t have any kids but I am always aghast at the things I hear the ladies at work talk about regarding their kids and materialism. Many of these kids absolutely demand certain name brand clothing just to ‘be hip’ and to fit in with the crowd. If they do not have the clothes, their peers reject and sometimes even bully them. Their clothes might be exactly the same style but without the label that defines the item’s status.
I also hear of parents spending hundreds, if not thousands of dollars on Christmas gifts. And no one where I work is wealthy!
All of us, with and without children, should remember at Christmas that “Jesus is the reason for the season’ and that Christmas did not begin as a holiday to turn retailers bottom line from red to black.
Point 1, Practice what you preach, is great! My daughter and I were literally chatting today about her plans on raising her daughter, my granddaughter. She was talking about integrating our granddaughter into her ministries as much as possible. Little Kenzie would experience firsthand the love of God being expressed through her! Thanks.
These are wonderful ways for helping to raise non-materialistic kids. I especially like supporting a child in an under-developed country. Also, I like the Samaritan’s Purse, Christmas boxes each year too.
We always burden ourselves with social pressure. Every time we get the news of something new in the market, our first goal is to get that asap. Actually we are programmed to think like that by our surroundings. You have made some good points here which will definitely help us. 🙂
Great article; almost deleted it clearing out my inbox! My daughter is my Kryptonite: still at 22 years of age! I know I have it bad! Christmas is her thing: presents, money, the tree, lights! the whole Bit; I make myself stressed each year trying to fulfull her wishes, only to fall short because I simply don’t have the means; I’ve come to despise all the trappings. I used to really really like Christmas time; your article reminded me why; it was never about the gifts, as much as the hope; the smell of hope in the air. Everything little, was so grand: baking cookies, YES; reading Christmas stories, YES; the Christmas music playing in the house, YES. I know it won;t be easy saying No, to my young adult daughter when she comes home for Christmas (yes, she works and lives on her own!), but I think this time instead of saying NO, I can focus on saying YES by replacing the “commercial” things for the simple things and revive the Hope…..Thanks again for writing.
Thanks Dawn,
You just made my day.
Did I need to read this tonight! Deciding whether or not to retire and how to stay closely connected to the people God has brought into my life. Never too late to model the priorities of generosity, relationships, and frugality. Thank you!
I love the points in this article, but sadly disappointed with where it starts out and the implication that parents are to blame for their child’s suicide or depression. That’s far too broad a generalization and truly not helpful in any way.
What happens if the grandparent is the materialistic one giving her grandchildren too much? I buy my kids a few toys mostly learning toys, items they need pjs, socks etc and when old enough an item they want. Mo have a 2 year old and twin newborns. The twins got one item each, their lovey.
Thanks for the ideas. This is something we are focused on, and fear we may be ( at least in some ways,) failing. This list will help keep us focused. We do the Dave Ramsey plan for kids, and I find it helpful. Regarding paying rent, I don’t think that would be for this family, but we do have some similar-ish experience with our oldest daughter’s teacher. She gave them jobs in the classroom and paid them with fake money. Then, they were expected to pay rent for their desks, fees for late assignments, etc. Extra money at the end of the month was used in an auction of cheap, used things from the parents of the class. Just before the holidays, they all got raises, but came back in January to the lessons of inflation, and rent went up. We thought it was a great way to learn about economics. Our kids also work as a part of their commitment to our family. 🙂
You did a great job! I totally agree with your points. I have 4 kids 5,4, 2 and one in my belly:) We def. try to focus on not being materialistic. But they like most kids in our society have a lot of stuff-but even taking my kids to the store and having them buy gifts for others with their own money for Christmas was one way we tried to help them focus out, rather than just in. It’s amazing how focusing on others truly does help them be less “gimme gimme” as it does with adults as well. God bless. Thank you for writing the article.
Absolutely loved this. We’ve been meaning to find a child to sponsor, but I was struck by the idea of encouraging our kids to participate financially. I think it would help them feel it more. Thank you! (PInning!)
This a really awesome article. My son just turned one and we are trying to raise him in a Godly way. These are some incredibly great tips that I will keep bookmarked for future use.
Nice article. I noticed you guys talk a lot about charitable giving. Do any of you tithe?
Hey Phil – yep, we do tithe!
Great one, we have three wonderful kids: 5+,4,1+. And we are teaching them on the principles of contentment. We hope they follow on this step and be the best they can be.
Thanks, Chika!
Great article. I have spent the last 9 years learning to manage a chronic illness and the biggest hurdle was coming to terms with giving up a career I loved and the paycheque that came with it, so we were forced to change the way we look at money. We have 4 kids (2-11). In addition to the obvious fact that we form have a lot of extravagance in our lives we’ve done a couple things that work well. First, we stopped shopping on Sundays. We are now in our 5th year and it’s wonderful knowing we get one full, unscheduled family day every week. We also stopped buying Christmas presents. Christmas is expensive and we do a lot of charity spending at Christmas because the kids notice, but between that, expensive dinners, dresses and shoes for church and school concerts it just got to be too much. It took 3 years before anyone noticed!! We buy them each a pair of coordinated (not matching) Christmas pjs and then fill their stockings with a fancy ornament, silly Christmas socks and some chocolate. I also got sick of being asked for stuff every time I walked into a store so about 2 years ago I attached wages to all the chores in the house (except cleaning their room) and I don’t buy anything that isn’t a need and I don’t offer credit. My kids don’t ask for things anymore, They plan ahead for purchases (and usually forget about the impulse items they wanted to save up for before we leave the store). Even when were spending my money they’re way more conscious about what they’re buying and how much they’re spending. Usualky they know the budget so they’re trying to get as much as they can within that and will put things back on their own if they cost too much. Works well for us anyways.
Sounds like a great system, thanks for sharing Laura!
Wow ! that’s inspiring . Though I do not have kids the ones i have mentored i did show them my ways of spending from what i have to touch my life ,touch others and keeping some money to secure the future vision i have . So i always have this THREE fold view in mind .Spend on me, others and the future ! . That has made me touch a life without having much . Therefore i have learnt to realize the power of a blessing in the smallest ways God has possibly touch my life with and how big they can make a difference in somebody else’s life !.
Thanks for sharing, Zweli!
we raised 6 children on an army sgt’s salary but had many other blessings-like being stationed in germany 3 times so we toured as much of europe as we could in a pop-up camper trailer-our kids still talk about it today. when there was something they wanted bad enough they had to save up half and we came up with the other half. the only thing i can remember vividly is that my son wanted a certain bicycle and when he came up with half the amount we gladly came up with the other half (ps: he had a paper route.)
Thanks for sharing, Jo!
Great stuff! Being a Father of two, this hits home.
Thanks for sharing, Matt!
I love your perspective! The other day, my daughter was complaining about why she didn’t have a smartphone or tablet. I had her focus on what she did have rather than what she didn’t. Sometimes I need that advice for myself. We already have what we truly desire in Christ!
That’s great, thanks for sharing!