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Money & Marriage: 7 lessons I have learned so far

written by Bob Lotich, CEPF® | Managing Money

Money and Marriage, how to avoid marital money fights and conquer money management

As I’m nearing my 11th wedding anniversary, I have been thinking about some of the things I’ve learned along the way.

No doubt I still feel like there are an unlimited number of lessons for me to learn still, but since we’ve had our fair share of money fights, these are a few takeaways that I’ve had.

I hope you find them helpful!

1. Money issues need to be talked about

Many people try to avoid subjects (or really anything) they don’t like or are afraid of. You have to face the giants. If your finances are a mess, you have to face up to the truth. How can you expect to move a mountain that you refuse to admit exists?

Nothing proves this point more than the interview I recently did with Talaat McNeely about how he and his wife overcame some financial infidelity.

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2. Decide what you want to accomplish – together

In order to succeed financially as a team, you have to have unity. You may not agree on everything, but find those areas that you are in agreement and shoot toward those goals.

They will be a lot easier to attain if you are both putting focused energy towards them rather than pulling against each other for your own thing.

3. Realize that you balance each other out

This might not be the case for everyone, but for my wife and I, this was clearly one of the reasons God brought us together. We both bring different financial mindsets to the table and it keeps us in proper balance. If one is a spender and the other is a saver, I got news for you: it is probably by design.

If my wife were just like me, we would be living an unbalanced life, probably saving too much for the future and not focusing enough on today. We both bring balance to each other’s life financially.

In our case, we both had to make sacrifices to meet in the middle, but because of it we are living more in line with God’s best for us.

4. Support your spouse (yes, even if they have problems)

It is so critically important to cut each other some slack and allow your spouse an opportunity to grow. None of us are perfect and we all have areas to grow in.

Part of the growing process involves making mistakes, so if your spouse isn’t being as financially disciplined as you are – cut him/her some slack.

If you are constantly nagging your spouse about money (or anything for that matter), it doesn’t give them much incentive to change and it keeps them from being open with you about their failures.

Being able to encourage each other when either one of you fails is very important.

5. A budget is necessary

Living on a budget is different for a single person than it is for a married couple. Let me say, I think everyone should use some sort of a budget, but especially married couples.

The reason being is that a single person who doesn’t budget ultimately knows that the responsibility for the bills, debt, consequences, etc. will fall on them.

When a couple lives without a budget, they both can be secretly thinking, “well, I will let my spouse take care of it,” and things can fall through the cracks. Having a budget creates an unbiased system to hold both parties accountable for their actions.

6. Individual spending money is necessary

It is way too much of a hassle to have to discuss EVERY purchase you make. Each person needs a specific (and small) amount that they can spend however they choose – but just like allowance, no more when it is gone.

It has worked well for us to make this cash solely for individual, miscellaneous purchases – going out to eat, clothes, buying food for potluck at work, etc. You can look at how we manage our money, but basically 95% goes to our joint accounts to pay our bills, pay debt, common saving goals, etc.

The remaining 5% gets divided between us for our individual interests.

7. Eliminate sources of strife

This was eye-opening to me. When we first got married, we paid for gas for our own car out of our individual spending money. It just seemed logical to me and seemed like it would work fine.

We only had a limited amount of spending money for each of us and it would be enough to cover the gas for the week and other miscellaneous things we needed like I mentioned above.

The problem arose in a very subtle way – we both seemed to be keeping a mental list of how often we drove places together in each other’s car. And of course, we both often thought that we were driving our car more than the other person.

We really were not selfish in other areas of our marriage, but that one small thing was causing unnecessary strife. Now we pay for all of the gas out of a joint account – problem solved.

Have you learned any lessons about money and marriage that you could offer?

Related posts:

  1. What the Bible really says about prosperity
  2. How to use a no-spend challenge to pay off debt and save (with Frugal Friends)
  3. Stock Market Crash Of 2020 Coming Soon? (And How I Am Preparing)
  4. Why I use credit cards instead of debit cards or cash

About Bob Lotich, CEPF®

Bob Lotich, CEPF® is a Certified Educator in Personal Finance and has over 15+ years experience writing about Biblical personal finance. He is the award-winning author of Simple Money, Rich Life and has been named a top 20 social influencer in personal finance. Check out his on-demand Christian financial class for couples, small groups and churches called True Financial Freedom.

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Hi there! We are Bob & Linda Lotich. Jesus followers, authors, podcasters, and undying fans of Michael Scott.

This site contains the lessons we learned on our journey from being stingy, debt-ridden fools, to being able to reach our biggest financial goal of giving $1 million by age 40, having zero debt & a paid off house by age 31, and peace with money in the process.

Now we share our best lessons with people like you, groups, and churches with our Award-winning book Simple Money, Rich Life and our 6-week video course True Financial Freedom.

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