(The following is an abbreviated transcription from the recent Crystal Paine podcast Linda & I recorded. Please excuse any typos or errors.)
What would you say if I told you you could buy a house with cash? Seems impossible, right?
But, it can be done and you don’t have to be a lottery winner nor inherit a bunch of money to do so.
Crystal Paine, in which you may know her as Money Saving Mom, was able to just that… buy her home with cash!
Not only are you going to learn how she and her husband bought their home with cash, but we’re also going to be discussing some awesome parenting tips, how you can find balance as a working parent and Crystal’s new book Love Centered Parenting.
We recorded our discussion that you can listen to on our Podcast, or you read the full transcription below:
Money Saving Mom
Bob: Hey everybody. Super excited today! I got Linda here, which is always fun. And we are bringing on a mutual Nashvillian resident who I’ve known for years and looked up to for years.
Who just wrote a book, new book called Love Centered Parenting. Her name is Crystal Paine and we’re gonna be chatting with her about a whole bunch of different things because she’s a wealth of knowledge and expertise. And so we’re going to just cover a lot of different topics and just see where everything goes.
So Crystal, thank you for taking a little time coming to chat today.
Crystal: I’m so excited to be here.
Bob: So you’ve run this website called Money Saving Mom, for a long time, I think longer than us. Right? When did you start that?
Crystal: So I started Money Saving Mom in 2007.
Bob: Oh, same year. That was the same year we started ChristianPF, now SeedTime. So yeah, so we started at the same time. And so you’ve been doing that forever. Reached Googles and Google’s of people. If that’s Google’s… is that a number?
Linda: Oogles?
Bob: Oogle’s? It’s probably some sort of number, but anyway, you reached a whole bunch of people with that and just created an awesome resource.
Buying A Home With Cash
Bob: You have a really crazy testimony of how you bought your house, with cash. As in, if I understand correctly, you saved up enough money while renting to buy a house with cash.
Okay. So this is just like mind-blowing. Can we talk about this for a little bit and tell me a little bit of how this happened?
Staying Out Of Debt While Going To Law School
Crystal: Yes. So my husband and I got married 18 years ago and we had set this audacious goal that he was going to go through law school and we were going to stay out of debt (how to go to college for free). And he had the money set aside from some savings from his dad and some things that he had saved to go through law school. And he went in state in Kansas. So it’s not this exorbitant amount.
And so we didn’t know how we were going to actually then pay for our living expenses, but we had the money for law school. And so we had to get creative with patching together, different jobs and all of that. So he went through law school, we stayed out of debt and that kind of just emboldened us to say, well, let’s set another goal like that. People thought that was crazy.
Continuing To Set Goals
Let’s set a new goal. And so then that was when we crunch the numbers and we’re like, we’ve been living on so little. What if we were to continue to live on little and set aside a lot into savings, let’s try to do this for five years. And let’s see what happens. And so we really felt like we’d be able to buy a starter home in Kansas with that.
If we were to just save everything we could for five years. And so we did. That motivated us though so much. And right around that time, we had found Dave Ramsey. And so I feel like he was this extra shot in the arm. So we then with stuff that I was doing online and just with working really hard, we were able to actually save up enough for starter home in less than five years.
And so then we got a little bit more than a starter home that we were able to pay cash for in Kansas. Then we continued to live on little. And I mean, we increased it a little bit, but it was still significantly less than, we were making. And then we were able to buy, pay cash for two rental homes in Kansas.
So then when we moved to Tennessee, we said, we’re going to rent. Cause we don’t know if we’re going to stay here. So we kept our, all of our three houses in Kansas. We rented them out and moved to Tennessee. And we rented and pretty quickly we knew that we wanted to stay here. And so we continue to rent and figure out what do we want to do?
What is this going to look like? And so we ended up then selling those three houses and then with extra money here, because homes are a little bit more in Tennessee than we’d saved up. Then we were able to pay cash for our house here.
Linda: Wow, so you’ve never had a mortgage.
Crystal: Never. I’ve never had a credit card or a mortgage I’ve never had any kind of that.
Linda: Wow!
Bob: Unbelievable.
Crystal: I’m a very weird person. Yes.
Where Was God In All This?
Bob: All right. So where was God in all this?
Crystal: That’s, an interesting question. I think that one of the things that we learned from the really lean times when Jesse was in law school, we were living on about a thousand dollars a month. So really lean times. And then moving too as our income increased.
God Provides For Our Needs
It’s hard when you’ve gone through that to then, not still feel like you have to just be so, so, so careful. And so I’m grateful for that season where we basically couldn’t buy anything extra. When I got pregnant, I was like, God, you’re going to have to provide maternity clothes for me, cause I can’t even afford to go to the thrift store. And He did, he was so faithful. So we saw Him be faithful in that. But I also feel like you take it on yourself of well, we want to make sure that we work hard, cause we don’t want to go back to that.
Working In Our Own Strength
And so I think there’s been this yes, we got to see God provide there. And He was so faithful. But I feel like in the season when we were saving up for our first house, we worked too hard. Like I look back and I wish that we wouldn’t have. I feel like it was just in our own strength and our own effort, like working so hard to try to hit this goal and let’s hit it early because we see that we can do this.
I always tell people I wish we would’ve paced ourselves a little bit more and we wouldn’t have burned ourselves out in those two and a half years that we were working so hard to do that.
So where has God in that? He was very faithful, but sometimes we were kind of over here in our own strength trying to do stuff. I look back, we had three kids in that time frame and I exhausted myself and did a lot of things wrong and burn the candle at both ends. And I wish I wouldn’t have.
Finding Balance
Bob: Yeah. So I guess what I’m taking from this is if you were going to do it over again, you would live a little bit more in the middle?
Crystal: If we’re going to do it over again. I would not have worked 70 hours a week. Absolutely. Yes. And I feel like that God was providing and He was so faithful to provide, but I think there was like, well, yeah, but I just got to keep working because what if this doesn’t keep? What if the online (blog) stuff doesn’t keep doing as well?
And so there was some of that where I feel like now it’s this place of just living with your hands open to saying God, we’re just going to trust you. And you, have been faithful and we’re going to trust you. And if. The online stuff, doesn’t keep working. Like it has been working, then you’re going to have something else for us, but I don’t need to work crazy hours because there’s always more you can do.
Blocking Time For Your Passions
But like for me, a faith thing is to be offline one day a week and just focus more like foster care. That’s been something where it’s like, there’s so many hours of my week that’s focused on foster care that I’m not working. And I’m making a lot less money because of that. But this is so much more fulfilling.
And so it’s like that finding that balance of saying when is enough enough? And just being okay with you know what. Well, you can always make more, but at what cost. Yeah.
God Provides Rest
Linda: Yeah. And I love it. One of the things I love about God is that He just, He always meets us where we are and He see what you’re doing. And that’s great that you’re trying really hard, but let’s, just bring that into a little bit of balance and it almost feels like something you have to go through yourself in order to figure it out. You know what I mean?
Do you think that?
Crystal: Yes, 100%. I feel like that I had to, especially me and my personality and very stubborn.
So it’s I feel like I had to hit rock bottom. As far as my health, I went through a season where my health really struggled and that was because of working so hard and not sleeping enough. And so I feel like God allowed that to happen. So for me to wake up and be like, you know what, you don’t need to keep working at this crazy pace.
Let Go And Let God
And here’s the interesting thing. A lot of times when I work less, we actually make more money. So it’s it’s not, the hours worked. It’s the effort put in and the trust in God that you’re like, okay here, I’m over here trying so hard to make this happen when God’s just just open up your hands.
Just trust me. Just walk by faith.
Linda: We have experienced the exact same thing.
Bob: So many times.
Linda: Yeah where it’s just I mean we, felt like God was drawing us to take a month sabbatical and we did this. We’ve done it for several years for the past. I don’t know.
Bob: About seven years in a row now.
Linda: And it’s every month Bob said We made more money without me working than we did with me working. And it doesn’t make any sense, but it’s almost like God says can you just let go and can you just let me do it? And yeah, it’s so cool. I love that. That’s amazing.
Debt Obsession
Bob: One of the things you were talking about I think is really interesting is and I don’t know if this was the case for you. I’m not speaking for you by any means, but there’s so many people that need to hear the message of… Do you need to work hard to pay off your debt because you’re just choosing to be in debt and when you don’t need to be, and God has more for you, blah, blah, blah.
But then there’s some of us who can turn debt freedom into an idol where that becomes the highest thing that we’re after at what costs? Whatever, it doesn’t matter, like the highest thing, your health or whatever, and I don’t know if you were in that position or not, but based on what you’re saying, that now you would have taken a slightly different approach. I just think that’s a really interesting thing that maybe not everybody needs to hear, but I think some people need to be reminded that. Right?
Pacing Yourself
Crystal: Yeah, I agree. And I think for us, it was maybe not the debt freedom, but it was more like we wanted to pay cash for our house. We put that up on we’re going to and let’s try to do it in less than five years, which is great to be motivated, but. It’s okay, you can also pace yourself.
And I feel like that’s the thing for me that I have had to learn with business. I’m very much this driven person. And in 2015, it was my third book had come out and I was getting all these opportunities to speak and media and all that. And I remember, I went out to coffee with someone and they sat across from me and they asked, “what are you excited about right now?“
And I Literally had no answer for them because I realized I was just working so hard. I was exhausted. I had all these things that all these people would think this is it. Like you have arrived. And yet there was not joy there.
Year Of Rest
So for me, I took 2016 was my year of rest. And I literally said no to pretty much everything.
And that kind of has totally reshaped the way that I do life. And there’s so much more joy in my life now, and so much more fulfillment. And it’s just, I’m grateful that I had that, that I hit that place where. I just realized why what’s the point. And so I think it is important for people to realize you can have all the things that everybody thinks they’re going to make you like you have arrived and that’s not enough if you’re just pursuing it in your own strength.
Linda: So true.
Bob: This really resonated. It’s so funny. It’s mirroring so much. So 2015/2016 were some of our big, biggest, most significant years in business. And then in 2017, God called me to take the entire year off, so I took all of 2017. I stepped away from the business, had the same thing that you’re talking about, where it’s it was a complete reset and I was so burned out before and I feel like…
Linda: He would wake up excited to go to work every day. And all of a sudden he was waking up and he was like, I just don’t want to do it. I’m like, something’s wrong.
Bob: We observed, it’s like, all right, something’s wrong. There’s a dream business that you started and had been running for all this time. Now you hate going and you hate going to work, like what happened? But anyway, all that to say Yeah, I love…
Linda: There’s so much wisdom in what you’re saying.
Bob: The idea of rest and I love what God does through it. And yeah, super exciting. I love that.
Love Centered Parenting
Bob: All right, let’s take a little bit of a turn here. I wanna talk and start talking a little bit about parenting.
Not Every Decision Is A Financial Decision
Bob: So one of the things that we talk about sometimes is that, every decision in life is not a financial decision. You know what I mean?
There’s certain times if you have to go to the ER, that’s not the time to call around and find the cheapest ER, you know what I mean? It’s like you go to the ER and, I think there’s, that’s an extreme example, but there’s a lot of middle ground examples where the financial components should be a factor maybe in the decision, but it’s not the only piece of the decision.
Linda: And even what you were talking about with working 70 hours a week and having three kids, like there had to be a piece of that where you’re like, I wish I would have looking back, you see it a different way, right?
Opportunities And Priorities
Bob: Yeah. So that’s where I’m going, like in terms of parenting and maybe it’s just expanding on what you were talking about, but how has that idea that I, suspect based on what you said that you’re in agreement with how has that affected your parenting and all this?
Crystal: As far as I’ve I like if we’re going to connect it to what I was just talking about, I’ve realized that there are so many, there are so many opportunities that you have every day and which ones are the biggest priorities. And so often it will be like, I could choose to spend this 30 minutes doing this thing that I know is going to bring in a significant piece of income.
But my daughter is sitting here and she wants to talk to me. So, which is more important. And yes, there are some times when you need to put food on the table. And so you’re going to have to make some sacrifices and you’re going to have to try to make it work.
But if you’re in a season where you do have some wiggle room making those choices so that you think, okay, This is what’s going to matter most in 25 years from now.
And that’s really what I try to wrap my time in my life around. And so making sure that I’m using the time that I have for business hours well, so that once my kids come home, I want to be able to be present. And so if maybe they’re all working on homework and I can get some other work done. That’s great. But if not that they need me, I want to be available for them.
Eternal Return On Investments
And so I think a lot of times people think, Oh, if you have your own business, it’s, you’re just going to be like this perfect balance of it’s just this perfect world. And it’s No, you’re actually, I think it can be harder sometimes because you’re having to that if I do this thing, it’s going to be X amount of dollars that I’m going to probably earn from it.
Whereas there’s not a monetary return for spending that time with your child, but it’s the eternal return that is so much more worth it.
Bob: Yeah.
Linda: Well, in the investment too, I mean, we haven’t made it to teenage years yet, but you have teenagers, right?
Crystal: Yes.
Linda: That’s what I hear is that it’s it’s not so much time in that you need to always be feeding them every meal and snacks and preparing everything, changing, diapers, all that. But it’s more, they need your attention in like the pulling out the deeper things in life, right?
Crystal: Yes. They want to talk at 11, 11:30, midnight. That’s when they’re like, they come alive and they’re just like, mom, I have to tell you what happened today.
Being Available For Your Children
Crystal: And so just being, available and I feel like if you’re not available when they’re younger, They’re going to find somebody usually who’s available or they’re just gonna internalize everything.
And so being present and being available and showing up for those conversations when they’re little, even when it’s hard, because they’re saying the same thing over and over and over again, and they’re telling you, it takes them 10 minutes to tell you what they could have told you in 20 seconds, but listening then.
Because that’s setting the trajectory for when they get older for them wanting to have conversations with you. And I just, I love it. I love having teenagers. My girls are 16 and 13 and they’re just, I just, they had prom last week and they invited me. I was the driver to take the one, my daughter and her date around.
And then we met up with my other daughter and her friends and they’re like, “Mom? I’m just like, honey, I don’t think… Oh no, it’s no big deal. Just come in with us!” And so I got to go to their pre-prom stuff with them and I just, I love that they want me to be involved in their life and I’m just so grateful for that.
And so being available for that is so much more important to me than anything else that I could be doing.
Bob: Yeah.
Linda: That is so cool.
Bob: That’s great.. Well, yeah, and you must be doing something right. If they want you to come to prom.
Linda: I’m about to devour this book. We just got it in the mail yesterday, but man I, feel like parenting is something that I can really grow in.
Relying On Jesus To Fill The Gaps
Linda: I love my kids but we’re not perfect. One of the things you talked about in here actually was how you can only do so much and then you rely on Jesus to fill in the gaps. And that is such a powerful revelation. Because as a mom, I’m sure as a dad too, you can speak to this, but you have to feel like, man, I failed again.
I yelled at my kids again. I wasn’t there for them. This, I was distracted. I was on my phone or whatever, but like really being able to rely on God, to fill in and to get them where they need to be. Right? Instead of making it all our problem, I thought that was so good.
What Is Your Job As A Parent?
Crystal: It was interesting. So when I was writing the book, I asked on Instagram for people to fill in the blank.
My job as a parent is to blank. And the responses I got hundreds and hundreds of responses, and it was fascinating because I would say that 98 to 99% of them were things that we ultimately don’t have control over as a parent. And so it was things like my job as a parent is to raise kids who love Jesus, go to heaven, make good choices and have good character.
Or my job as a parent is to make sure that my kids get a really great job and marry a really great person. And it’s okay, these are all great ambitions. For your kids. And we want to my heart for my kids is I want to raise confident, capable kids who love Jesus. That’s my heart, but I ultimately don’t have control over that.
Your Kids’ Choices/Behaviors Are Theirs To Own
My kids’ choices and behaviors are theirs to own. And so I think when we realize that we can’t be our child’s savior, we can’t be their Holy spirit. It releases so much burden off of us to just be able to walk with them and love them. Because we can spend so much time trying to fix and micromanage and overprotect and just correct.
And we are spending so little time connecting with them and loving them. Like we’re telling them all the things that they’re doing wrong because we feel like that’s our job as a parent. When, why can’t we just shift that to focusing on let’s speak life to them, and let’s just really enjoy them and step into their world and care about what they care about and be interested in what they’re interested in.
And that’s how we build relationship with them.
Bob: Yeah.
Linda: That’s so good.
Parenting Is About Your Kid’s Heart, Not Your Reputation
Bob: I haven’t had a chance to get real far moving into chapter one. But one of the things you said in the introduction that I really loved, was the way I was parenting was not about my kid’s heart, but by my own reputation.
And I’m just like, Oh, I’m so guilty. Yeah. That like just the, I want to have good kids. So people think, Oh, they have good kids and well behaved kids. That’s just a desire that I don’t want to muddy the water of the most important thing. So. Can you speak to that a little bit? Like how you have just personally worked through that and dealt with that?
Crystal: Yeah, so it was really with one of our kids hitting rock bottom, and then spiraling out and experiencing so much anxiety and depression and taking them to the ER for being suicidal and then having them be in therapy. And it was just, it was like, God took away so much was like, My reputation was stripped from me because a lot of parents were talking and saying things and I just had to be like I, just have to let that go.
And, but I didn’t realize how much I was parenting for my reputation until I started digging into this more. And we were, it was our first therapy session and we were meeting with a therapist before our child was having, starting to have sessions. And I asked her, I said, If you can come up with anything that I can do, please just help me.
Cause I’m at my wit’s end. I don’t, know what to do and everything we’re trying is not working. A few weeks later she called me back in after she had therapy sessions with my child and she said I feel like you’re trying so hard to fix your child. What would it look like to walk with them instead?
“Fixing” Your Child Vs. Walking With Them
Crystal: And I stepped back and I started analyzing and I realized that every time there was a situation, so my kids are fighting or you get some phone call or email from school or something is happening that you’re like, I need to address. I feel like it was my responsibility. To really come in and fix this.
I need to set the record straight. I need to preach a sermon. I need to get everybody back on track. But if I would go to like, why am I doing that? It was really because I wanted other people’s approval. Like you talked about Oh, so often we don’t realize that we’re parenting for other people’s approval.
Parenting Out Of Fear Of The Future
Crystal: We don’t realize that we’re parenting out of fear of the future too. A lot of times, we will be so frustrated with our child and responding to situation because we are playing this out in 10 years from now. I’ve done this so much where it’s like, okay, You’re talking back to me and when you get a job in 10 years from now, and you talk back to your employee, employer, they’re going to fire you, and so we’re, parenting out of fear of the future, what it’s going to, how it’s gonna affect our kids in the future.
And instead of just being present and leaning in and loving them right where they’re at. And so. For me then I had to realize, okay, why am I looking for my approval from other people?
Understanding How Much God Loves You
And I realized that because I didn’t understand how much I was loved by God. And I felt like I needed to earn and win, not only other people’s approval, but also his approval. So this journey for me has been a journey of learning to be re-parented by my heavenly father. And understanding how much he loves me.
And I don’t have to do more, be more, try harder, be better, achieve some level of Christian perfection in order to be loved by him. And so a lot of the book Love-Centered parenting is about our own hearts as parents. So often we’re looking for kind of the quick fix just give me the four steps or give me the chore chart or give me the just tell me the rules that I need to have great kids when it’s we need to go to the root of.
Parenting Frustration And Disappointment
Crystal: The why behind the stress that we’re feeling or why we’re frustrated with our kids let’s go to the root and really unearth what’s going on there. And so that, that was, I had to go through this whole process of realizing these lies, that I was believing that they had become labels that I was wearing, that I was living under.
And I was parenting out of those lies of believing that I’m a disappointment to those closest to me that I am not enough. And that I’m a failure. And so, yeah. Those lies were clouding my ability to love my kids. Well, because when I would, my child is doing something wrong, I am rushing in there to fix it because I’m thinking this is a disappointment.
I can’t believe this. And so then I’m projecting all of that on my child as well. And so when I got to a place of really being able to. Recognize the lies and then replace them a truth, which it was a two year process. I talk about that in the book and then standing confidence of who I am in Christ and how much I’m loved by him.
Just like it deescalates everything. So then I can just love my child, right where they’re at. And not worry about the future or like playing this out and fearing the future, worrying what other people are thinking. I can just love them right there and just lean in and care for their heart.
And it’s not dependent upon me, how they choose to their choices and their behaviors. Ultimately aren’t dependent upon me. So I can, I just love them.
Changing The Atmosphere Of Your Home
Linda: Wow. And I’m assuming that’s probably changed the atmosphere of your home too.
Crystal: Absolutely. Yes. It’s completely different. Yes.
Linda: Yeah. And I’m sure your husband probably walked through a lot of this with you.
Crystal: Yes.
Linda: Which is amazing.
Crystal: Our whole home is completely different. There’s just so much more calmness. And like I talked about us doing foster care. There’s no way we could have fostered four or five years ago because there were just been way too much stress, but now there’s just this peace. Just this under lying peace and calmness, because we know we can’t do this on our own strength and we can just look to the Lord and rely upon him and then be conduits of his love to our kids.
Asking For Forgiveness
And we know that we’re going to make mistakes. And so owning that, I mean, we’re going to have to go back and ask our kids forgiveness and that can be a great gift that we can give them for them to see us.
When we struggle that we’re looking to the Lord and asking for his help and asking them to forgive, or to forgive us, and just them seeing us relying upon God, even in our weakness, even when we fail that he is still faithful.
Linda: Yeah.
Bob: That’s really good.
Linda: So Good.
Bob: That’s good.
Linda: This is amazing.
Teaching About Giving And Generosity
Bob: All right. I want to take another kind of left turn, but still talking about parenting in general. And I don’t know if you go into this, but I am just curious because I know that generosity is something that’s near and dear to your heart.
It’s a big part of our calling as well. And I’m just curious how how you’re teaching your kids about giving and generosity, what that has looked like. Selfishly. I’m just curious. And I think a lot of people listening and watching will be curious too.
Crystal: One of our biggest hearts is just to give our kids opportunities to, to recognize need.
And so we have taken our kids to countries where there’s a lot of poverty. But not just that, but also stepping into foster care has been the everyday-ness of our kids, getting to see that there are needs right. In our own backyard. And I think that has really changed their perspective, but also I think walking with these families, it changes your perspective because it’s so easy to jump to criticism.
I mean, I know it’s like why can’t these parents get their act together and have just, get healthy already, but to, realize once you understand addiction, once you understand poverty and how it can People are trapped in these cycles. It really has helped open my eyes and changed my perspective and given me a lot more empathy and compassion, but I’ve been, I think, for our kids as well.
And so we want to encourage our kids to be generous with their money. And that’s something that we encourage them with different things throughout the year ways to give and things that we do as a family, but also being generous with their time and their life. And so giving them opportunities to do hard things.
Being Generous With Your Life
And so like last year, when all the world was shut down, we had these two newborns and our kids round the clock were helping. Our two older girls were getting up in the middle of the night to help with babies. And just that real hands-on experience of learning too. Be self-sacrificial and give.
And, but then also getting to see the fulfillment of walking with this little boy and him being reunified with his mom and seeing his mom get healthy and seeing how he’s thriving now. And obviously every story doesn’t end like that. But I think for our kids, it’s really changed their perspective. And giving them this heart to have a lot more empathy and compassion for other people.
And I think then that really translates to being generous with your life. And so that’s, really our heart. And one of the reasons why we started fostering, even though it was scary, it’s scary when you have the scary in general, but when you have kids, especially kids who are older that it’s going to affect you’re thinking.
What if this like completely traumatizes our child and they have PTSD for the rest of their life as a result of this decision. Like you can play out all those things, but again, you can’t live in fear. We got to walk by faith. And so we want to be prayerful and careful and intentional, but we realized it’s easy to take our kids to another country.
I mean, it’s not easy. You go to another country you, are building relationships and you’re, you see all of this and you’re serving and trying to meet needs, but then you come back home. And you leave it all there. And so instead of bringing this need into your own home and the brokenness and for our kids to say goodbye last year to sweet little boy, that was their brother and having.
To say goodbye. It’s giving them so much more compassion for people who lose someone that they love because they walked through that grief. And so there’s just so many things there that I feel like generosity has played a big part of it, and it’s also shine shone a light on our selfishness because I know that it’s shown me, like I’ve got some selfishness there really needs to get rooted out and it’s been a good, thing for, us in that regard as well.
Giving Money Vs. Giving Time
Bob: Yeah. And that’s the thing, like I I’m assuming it’s just different personalities, but there’s some people it’s easy to give money and there’s some people it’s easier for them to give their time. And then I think giving your life, it’s like a different category in which I would say, like fostering falls in that category where it’s yeah, I mean, and
Linda: Yeah, that’s a huge shift, especially if you have a newborn. I mean, I guess it would be like that with any age child, but thing I’m thinking through a new, having a newborn, a little baby who is just. It there’s constant demands on it but it’s probably like that for most ages. Anyway,
Crystal: It’s also the giving of like your heart, like getting attached and yet knowing that it’s not a thing for me, it’s that ultimate letting go, because you are so attached, but yet you have zero control.
And so it’s you’re loving this child as if they’re your own, but you ultimately have no say. In what their future is going to be. And so I realized how much I feel like I have so much control over my kids when I don’t, but it’s this misnomer of yes, if I do like I’m controlling my kids and I’m like, actually, no at any time at any moment, something could happen, but we have this false sense of security.
One Day At A Time
And so it’s been really helpful for me. Foster care has just helped me to release this and just open my hands and say, okay God, one day at a time. That’s all I can do. And I just want to trust you, but it is like that giving of your heart, letting your heart be broken. And whenever we said goodbye and it was like this gut wrenching sort of thing, I mean, like we’re just grieving this loss and then to say, okay, sign me up again.
I mean, it was like for all of us to be like, to say to open up our home again, was knowing like, We are signing up to have our hearts broken again. And but yet it’s if our hearts can be broken, so another family can be made whole, like that’s that’s we have to like, when you know the need, you cannot.
Just close your eyes and walk on, and so that’s for us, it’s like an in, in every area not, everyone’s called the foster care, but I think it’s so easy for us to come up with excuses for what God’s called us to, because it’s like, well, that’s not very safe for that could be and we let fear drive instead of walking by faith.
And I can just tell you that God has just. Completely changed our whole entire lives by stepping into that. Yes. Even when it’s been really, hard. And we get to see Him show up and be so faithful.
Linda: Wow.
Bob: That’s so good.
Taking Care of (Widows) And Orphans
Linda: Yeah. I think we should do another episode just talking about fostering. Cause I think it’s just so important and I, feel like so many people miss that this is, I mean, it talks about it in the Bible, like right?
Taking care of widows and orphans.
And I feel like so many people miss it and they, think about it selfishly. Well, yeah, because since we’ve adopted two of our kids, like we’ve had people just make little comments, not trying to be rude or mean or anything, but just little comments that I’ve been like, Oh you’re, just not seeing this the way God sees it.
You know what I mean? You don’t get it. And it’s okay. But I, it makes me sad too for them because I’m like, You’re missing out on a huge thing. That’s on God’s heart because you’re thinking about yourself instead of thinking about other people. Right?And we are, once we give our lives to the Lord, we become servants of all.
So I love talking about this because it just pumps me up. It’s like we, as Christians, we are called to love everyone. And part of that is taking care of people who maybe their situation is. Not ideal. Like they, they are walking through really difficult things, really difficult challenges and being able to come alongside them, help take care of this child for them so that they can get healthy.
I just think it’s really beautiful. I love it.
Bob: Yeah.
Being Intentional With Finances
Crystal: And I think it’s also for us knowing that because of the financial. Different things and choices that we made and being intentional with their finances to be at the place where we can say yes to this. And so it’s just encouraging your listeners that sometimes you’re like, why am I doing this?
Why, are we making all these sacrifices? But to be to the place where now. With fostering it’s not like it costs a lot of money, but you do have to be in a place where you can take care of your own. And so being to that place where we have that flexible schedule, we couldn’t take in the babies who have a lot of medical needs.
If we didn’t have the flexible schedule that we do, if we weren’t in the financial place that we are in. So my, one of my passions is just helping the people of God get their finances in order, because when we get our finances in order, then. We can do such great things for the kingdom of God.
And so letting that be your “why” behind what you’re doing, and I don’t know what God is calling you to. I’m passionate about foster care, but everyone has their own passion that God’s called them to, but being able to make those sacrifices, to get your finances to that place so that you can then step into that “yes” that God is calling you to.
Linda: Absolutely.
Bob: Amen. We have a shared motivation and passion along those lines.
Crystal Paine’s New Book
Bob: All right. So we’ve been chatting for a while, so we’re going to wrap this up.
Crystal’s book is called Love Centered Parenting: the no-fail guide to launching your kids.
Thank you for taking all the time to chat. Where can people find this book?
Crystal: The book is available wherever books are sold right now. It was sold out pretty much everywhere. But, I think it’s back in stock as the second printing came out. Christian book. Depository. Bookshop.org. Amazon. Your local bookstore. Wherever books are sold.
Bob: I love is your really honest approach in talking about these things. Like it’s not this elitist, I have everything figured out approach. It’s a very honest and real look at parenting.
And so I’m thrilled about it clearly. I’m not the only one that is, I think it has like 192 reviews with five star rating on Amazon, so clearly it’s resonating.
So yeah, everybody run out and grab the book if you have kids.
Anyway, thank you, Crystal. Thanks for taking the time to chat.
Crystal: Thank you so much for this opportunity. It’s been super fun.
Bob: Good chatting with you.
